D.GRAY-MAN 194 IS OUT! YIPPY!
Alright, I guess I'm gonna post about yesterday's sectionals and today's small group practice (Which isn't really very small. 8 people in a group. But due to low supply and high demand, there's only 1 T1 and 1 T2 to each group.).
Wednesday....
I kinda screwed up last Wednesday practice. I can (most probably) never forget how I almost breakdown and cry while laughing at the comical interpretation that Basil (ASC) made. He was interpretating what I was singing and to him it was very comical. He interpretated what I sang as Mary was 60 years old when she gave birth to Jesus and after Jesus was born, she found out that Jesus is a tranny. Not once, but thrice or four times did I almost breakdown and cry as he continued to evaluate the rest. I felt pathetic. I felt weak and helpless. I felt retarded and insulted.
I can still remember that the last time I almost breakdown was a day before our concert. We were having practices/sectionals and we were singing Begin the Beguine or In the Mood. Oh boy did I totally screwed it up. Kuek said, "I didn't know there's a bass in tenors. He was singing bass and he was singing so loud." I couldn't help but laugh but at the same time felt utterly insulted. I felt weak and pathetic just like how I did yesterday. It was a horrigible feeling.
Then last night, I rant to Clara, to Sharon and to Felicia. Clara apparently felt the need to just let me rant and chose to keep quiet. But I thought she was to busy to reply. Felicia was very kind and nice, and encouraging. I felt guilty as most of the times I am the one who's telling her to be optimistic and all that. In turn, this time round, she's the one encouraging me. Then as I was enjoying the process of ranting my unhappiness, Sharon came along and gave me a tight slap on the face. She just wasn't the best source for comfort when you need it I suppose. She told me that "perhaps it's time you face the trutth" and that "what's the use of comforting?" She told me to face it like I had to eventually.
It kinda got me all mad for a moment. Then I began to see her explaination. I have to move on and continue either way. I've just gotta move on. "Remember why you joined choir in the first place. It's because we love to sing!" Felicia told me. I realised that I just have to keep on pushing myself, telling that it's the end ain't gonna change a thing. I've just have to tear down those walls that's obstructing my path to success. After all, I didn't joined AJ to stop learning choral singing. I came to AJ for the very same reason why I am in AJChoir - to improve and expand my choral singing skills as much as I can within 2 years (in fact lesser). I came here to win something - honour, good voice, everything!
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Today! Today's practice was kinda better. I'm trying harder than usual if not the same. I'm trying to take control of my voice and shape it into the best voice I can produce. I'm still hoping that I can produce reasonance with ease, though it isn't really happening. Not to mention I have other problems to settle.
Small group practice was rather cool. I'm kinda glad that I'm in the same group as Bryson and Cindy. Bryson can look out for me and Cindy can teach me what I need. Although, she doesn't seem to be too concern with my voice and the vocal techniques. Or maybe like Bryson said, I did pretty well given the fact that I was less airy and less throaty during practice just now and thus Cindy didn't comment on it. I personally thought I blended with Bryson at some moments here and there which made me quite happy, I feel quite accomplished too.
I guess I'm just gonna stop here! It's 10 days to Slovakia! I'm super nervous and worried about not being able to deliver. I just remembered that I have a Chemistry test to prepare too. JA~
