THE RED MOON, AKATSUKI (DAWN)

What happened to (and between) two friends of mine at school kind of made me dawn on a certain truth...

It has always been a worry on my mind of what it means to get attached, to find a girlfriend. What if one day (like after a few years or even a few days) you realised that you and your girlfriend aren't right for each other? That the two of you just aren't meant for each other. What happened to my two friends once again reminded me of the discussion I had with Dick and the rest at the chalet a year or two back, that the risk being getting a girlfriend is very real indeed.

I suppose, as teenagers most of us are simply not mature enough to go into a relationship. I mean, seriously, do you really believe that you are going to spend the rest of your lives together? Is the other party really the right one for you? People tell me that you won't know who is the right one for you, coz there's no way of finding it out until you try it out. But I'm not too sure if that is really the right way to do things. Perhaps, "Love is (indeed) just a game."

I speak for myself, mainly, being uncertain of the future, and being not mature enough to go into a relationship with each other, not to mention I don't even love myself. To love anyone, one has gotta really know how to love himself I guess. Most of the time I look into the mirror I tell myself, "Seriously, the pimples? The eyes? The hair?" Or, "The fats? The height? The legs?" And then I'll let out a loud sigh. I don't even like how I look like, I don't even love myself, how am I going to love anyone. Especially yesterday night, I wore the new clothes that I just bought, thinking of making a good appearance, but it's more like a made myself look like a clown. I am seriously doubting if thick-fit really suits me. I mean, I don't even have any real muscles to show -- it doesn't even really feel right, I don't feel comfortable in the polo tee. Someone, please, hit me with a decent sense of fashion.

I don't exactly want to stand out from the crowd or anything, the least I wish is to be able to fit into the crowd of decent looking people -- it's that really that hard? Truth be told, I don't really have any confidence in myself. If you ask me to name a few things I really love/like about myself, I'd say... Good gracious, I am not even sure what do I love or like about myself. In the past, whenever someone ask me what do I like about myself or which facial feature do I like best of myself, I'd reply my eyes, but recently, I took a photo of my eyes alone and realised that I've been bullshitting all these while, like for the past 18 years of my life or so.

Ashvin said it's not about what you wear, but rather how you carry yourself -- easier said than done. One thing's for sure, he isn't me and he's better looking than me...

They say, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder... but does that apply to me?

FINALLY BACK.

I kinda lost my train of thoughts when my MSN suddenly dc-ed, like wow. Argh. I just hope that this is what I had in mind of doing before that. Or at least I hope that by posting I will recall what I had wanted to do initially. Things have been going pretty well on the whole I guess, although there were some minor hiccups in the last week in general everything is fine. Last Kwei practice really did gave me a scare, it was just madness and it really felt painful when he said that he will be removing Mambo and Ave Verum from the repertoire if we are cannot deliver. Yet, it wasn't exactly anyone's fault, which made it extremely madening. No one knows what the future holds but tomorrow's another Kwei practice and I just simply hope that it will be a breeze and there won't be anymore surprises.

I actually managed to find time and met up with Clara on Friday, which was really great. We had a lot to talk about, especially since we haven't talked to each other for ages. Friday was our first meet up since like forever, since I recovered. In the end I didn't manage to show her how much my guitar skills have improved, darn. But oh well, there's bound to be a next time I guess. The arrangement as of now is that I'll see her again this Friday but nothing's confirmed and I'm guessing something last minute will crop up. Maybe on her end, or maybe on my end. But last Friday's meet-up was quite satisfying already, it at least broke the ice and tore down the walls and awkwardness we've had since I first isolated myself from her.

Guess that's pretty much everything I wanna say in particular. It's getting cold in the room and it's getting late too. I better start packing up for tomorrow soon. Guess that's goodbye.

she's still ignoring me... hais...

REVENGE OF THE UNSEEN

The Revenge of the Unseen
Faith is said to be defined as what “makes us certain of unseen realities – where what is unseen refers to God and his almighty power. On the other hand, Greek philosophers had been skeptical of gods and religion and received strong objections from those around them in their time. Seemingly, religious faith appears to take “shape as a sort of point-by-point rejection of free rational inquiry and its premises.” This is rather true seeing that “fixation of belief” was never an issue before reason came along, you can pray to whichever god you wish to and carry out whatever practices you want to and no one would be bothered by it. Thus, to some extent, it can be seen it was reasoning that put forth belief.

Faith seems to answer reason’s “second-order” quality – to explain how things are explain. Daniel Dennett, writer of the 2006 bestseller Breaking the Spell, noted a phenomenon of “belief in belief” – the idea that religious belief itself is a positive good, regardless of its specific content. While tradition of rational inquiry involves explanation about explanation, the tradition of exclusive monotheism involves belief about belief. “If reason is second-order explanation, faith is second-order belief. Reason finds regularity in nature, whereas faith extols miracles that overturn regularity; while reasons brings along skepticism, faith exalts credulity.

David Sloan Wilson argues that supernatural thinking influenced group selection in human evolution, by promoting social cohesion, which explains why supernatural thinking seems to be instinctive in humans, and would account for its prevalence and the psychological rebound it would create when sidelined. The Europeans suffered from schizophrenia of the soul, which divided their thinking between religious faith and scientific reasoning; the Chinese, on the other hand worked out a system of beliefs that included Nature and man, church and state, and all things past, present and future.

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it difficult to tell the difference between real and unreal experiences, to think logically, to have normal emotional responses, and to behave normally in social situations....

The division of the cosmos into seen and unseen appears to be the recognition of regularity in nature. Tempting it may be to suggesting that faith is stirred by the unconscious denial of natural laws and reason consonant with the unconscious acceptance of the laws, it might be too much of a clear division, as to some extent individuals are pulled in both directions.


You're reading Science, Reason and Religion. How Did God Get Started.

PEOPLE (GIRL).
It has been a VERY LONG time since I've spoken to any who can get irritated so easily. And as usual, there was nothing I could say to change a thing. It's just so her.

Anyway, that aside, Valentine's Day is coming~ Awesome! I wonder how this year's Valentine's Day is gonna be like. I'm recollecting what happened about 3 years ago...something extremely embarrassing happened. Hilarious. I've been playing the guitar much of the day besides doing 4 questions of my physics Electric field tutorial and the fact that I only woke up at 12nn, have been trying to record something decent and practicing on the guitar for various songs. Let's just hope Monday will be awesome.

And so, I did my cover and got it uploaded on Facebook, I'm not good (even compared to her) in many ways and I don't have fans or popularity like Jamie does, so I won't be expecting any likes on the video.

Sometimes you just wish you could turn back time, don't you. I don't like the feeling of pissing someone of at all, not when I don't mean to do so, even more when the other party is a good friend of mine. It just sucks. That's why I TOTALLY didn't want to comment anything on her covers and I probably should have kept it that way. It's ironic, she's my good friend but most of the time I just bang into the wall talking to her -- not a good thing at all. Like fire and water -- they simply can't co-exist peacefully.

Orientation 2011!!
All I want to say is...


Okay, maybe that's not all. Arcadias rocked -- as in the whole Orientation rocked. Minus the tiring preparations and the torture to have wake up darn early in the mornings it was awesome I'd say. It's some what awesomer than even my own Orietation last year. But it's cool~ My kids are a bunch of awesome people and I simply can't wait to have dinner with them soon.

Alright. Gotta go. Ja-

Please don't continue doing this. You can hide it from everyone on Earth, but you can't keep it from yourself. The happier you pretend to be, the more it hurts. The more your erase the pencil mark, the bigger the wound as the paper will soon tear. It's a tough route to take by yourself, but you have to walk on.
"And if one door opens ...to another door closed, I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window."
- Borrowed words from Kwung Teng to myself...

LIVING A BORROWED  DREAM.

I THINK I WANNA MARRY YOU

I feel GLEE today! Yeap! I feel gleeful, strangely. And seriously, Ms Choy can be quite cute! HAHAHA! Anyway, I'm feeling happier and lighter these days. Perhaps it's a good sign! The school invited Mr Gabriel Tan (??) to give us a talk on peserverance which was rather interesting. I could empathise with him I guess, and seeing him able to joke about his disability made me felt like crying just now too. It was kinda touching I guess, until the end. It turns out he is a Christian and not really much of a surprise I guess, well at least he didn't preach his religion at mass civics.

It's Chinese New Year soon! Anyway, I'll be in Malaysia for New Year from Wednesday afternoon onwards till Friday. I know it's gonna be different this time round though, in one particular way... Ahh... If I was to continue with this I'm gonna feel down all over again. I guess part of me is not willing to give up this great friend of mine yet, but it's just saddening at times. I can only apologise and say that I longer can give you as much as I used to, cause I don't know if it had all been worthwhile. We're still friends, just perhaps no longer Best Friends (Forever)...


Forever seemed to have ended there and then...

Follow me on BLOGGER.