A PEACE OF MIND.
I'm at peace with my soul, but unnaturally high! Must be extremely tired out from P.E.

Tired!! But I'm feeling great somewhat, mentally at least. I feel relaxed and at ease. But still, the songs I'm hearing right now kinds of makes my heart cringe and itch a bit.. But it's quite fine still.

It's just me being awesome on Monday (Blues), not feeling blue. Better get started on my history essay outline already. Ja-

Sometimes I wish I didn't have feelings then it wouldn't hurt as much as it does now.

God Must (REALLY) Hate Me

Welcome to My Life

This sucks, that sucks. Argh. It's back to the time of the day that I really feel extremely insane. I feel just as rotten as any other night tonight. So much so that I feel compelled to express my anger every night on this blog.

It's 2338 hours; I seriously should go offline soon cause I have to wake up early tomorrow once again but I feel so full and feel so miserable. I freaking hate this feeling. Argh, screw you Thomas Lee, whoever you are from ACJC, you can hide in one corner and piss all over yourself, so much so that every inch of your flesh rots and no one ever recognises you - not even your mum. (much evil;  more evil than scolding vulgarities I suppose. I should learn how to critisize people without having to scold vulgarities..) Argh.

Life is bad... when you're in my shoes.

Welcome to My Life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

SCREW.YOU.

On top of it all, Clarence Liu is dumb enough to see things he doesn't wanna or shouldn't be seeing.

RANTING

Having experiencing it for myself I guess it is indeed true that Facebook and Twitter just ain't exactly the place to rant at all - no one actually does take notice of you unless:

1. You are fantastically fabulous
2. Or you flood their update

Like seriously, unless you are like Tan Yu Sheng who has gone crazy and started to flood his wall and others' updates you ain't gonna get the attention you want. Personally, I barely got any attention from posting on Facebook or Twitter. At the most, I get 2-3 insults for whinning or I get random likes on those insults or on my posts. Like who in the world really cares about how I feel anymore, perhaps other than my parents. I may have 412 friends on Facebook but NONE of them are actually friends that can share my sorrow. ONLY ONE bothered to even ask why am I emo-ing on Twitter and offered some consolation.


Marvina: "when there's down there's up. dont worry"

True... But perhaps I had it my way (ups) in the last few years and this year, it's time for me to feel down, to experience the deepest depths of down. Really, I am really tired of feeling sad for myself. There's no one that I can really turn to anymore.

同甘但不能共苦。。。

HURRAY!

I attended the OGL Refresher Workshop yesterday. Not bad. It was kinda fun and enjoyable. Both the mass dance session and the OGL dance session were hilarious. Ceto rocked the house with our OGL dance moves mann! It was simply awesome~ Though, of course, there are still areas of improvement and they are mainly due to the boys (I'm guilty of it). We just aren't that good yet but we really trained very very hard...

Alright... I must be going, need to do some assignments so that I would have a better time shopping with Dick and the rest. Ja-

SOMEONE'S GOT A CRUSH ON RUTH!

"When someone refuses to give you their blog address, here's what you do not do: creepily Google their names and emails in an attempt to find it. And then link to their blog from yours."

I particular found this HILARIOUS! The irony of it is that I hated the fact she visits my blog, and on several occasions I changed my blog URL but "somehow" she always finds her way to tag on my blog to share her point of view be it on the content or the grammar. Good gracious, she's finally got her "retribution".

Apparently, someone by the name of Zhang Hua An from NJC is giving her a hard time and I'm really enjoying the humour and having a good laugh over it. I truly wish to buy that person flowers for his ability to annoy and frustrate Ruth to such an extent, or perhaps he deserves more than just flowers for his willingness to take AIM to stead (have a relationship) with Ruth. OMG... Not to forget, the fact that I actually got Distinction for UNSW English will definitely come as another huge blow to her ego. I can totally imagine her expression - probably pulling her hair in an effort to express her anger and disbelief.

Anyway... Ruth..

TAKE THAT! HA! YOU CAN EAT MY ****!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

It was a rather interesting birthday this year I guess. At least it was much more entertaining than how I spent my birthday last year. I initially changed my birthday date thinking that it will keep mum about it but I guess somehow it didn't work. Perhaps I just didn't change my birthday date early enough I guess. So yea, I'm 18th! I have like 70+ people wishing my Happy Birthday on my facebook page, and a few via sms so yea. Not too bad I guess, was beyond my expectations in some sense.

The Tenors got one new guy! We have an appeal student called Jonas! Woots! That does kind rock! Meaning we already have 4 Tenor J1s already!! Should be able to get more when school really starts for the J1s I guess, like during CCA Oreintation?

I guess today have been quite a blast? I went to have dinner with the Tenors and 3 Basses at the hawker centre nearby the school and we talked and stuff. Pretty awesome already.

Oh YA! I totally didn't expected Junyan to call me to wish me a Happy Birthday. LOL~ Epic.

I kinda straighten out my thoughts, or at least for some areas. It's unbelievable but day by day, I'm really enjoying where I am right now, being part of the awesome class of 12/10 and of (perhaps) the AJChoir, the tenors. It feels good to be part of something big and welcoming I guess. It's a new beginning and I'm looking forward to a new year of rollercoaster ride! I'll pull through my future endeavours ultimately (I guess?).


Yeap. Let's SEEEE~ My birthday wishes...

1. Definitely for the AJChoir to attain Gold With Honours for SYF this year, and perhaps the BBSS Choir to do well (like maintain a Silver) in their SYF too. That's one.
2. Next!  For A levels to be a breeze at the end of the year, and that my results would slowly but surely climb to the top, and then find my place in the honours' roll perhaps by the Prelims? That would mean a lot of hardwork I guess? Hahas. I'll pull it through~~
3. Lastly... It's gonna be a SECRET. Hahas!

Ja-

It's been a rather frantic week with all sorts of things here and there, like holiday homework, Choir, OGL and stuffs since I last posted. And in a blink of an eye, I'm turning 18 tomorrow! Hmm... How am I going to celebrate my 18th birthday... Let's see... I'll probably be a loner tomorrow after, go down to NTUC or some mama shop and get a can of shandy. Perhaps, I'll get jolly shandy or some other better tasting shandy... That's the one thing I'm gonna do upon turning 18!

At the same time, I know it's gonna be a rather lonely birthday this year, pretty much like last year, yet for a different reason. I'm still finding it hard to come to an understanding. I'm still kind of sour and being the pessimist I have become since last year, I have turned to flying on my own, to be free, free from attachments. I just feel bad, I feel bad for myself. It's hard to not find myself pitiful, hard to not feel alone. It's that feeling of being in a crowded place, yet you are alone at the same time. That feeling I once had, that assurance and security, they are all lost as time passed by. I feel like screaming outloud in anger (though that would probably be disturbing) and I feel rather cooped up. I could really use an avenue to destress and to release that anger that has built up, not that I think anything can actually help when the problem remains unresolved, but perhaps I would feel better, at least find a tiny little bit of comfort.


I wanna close my eyes, and take flight...

MADNESS

This is the time of my life where I just simply can't care less; no excuses no bullshits - it's either you're in or you're out. Seriously speaking, I really don't have to strenght to feel upset, to feel bad for myself anymore when there's just so many things to feel upset and mad about. I'm really really very tired. I'm just gonna be selfish and think for myself. It would probably be better that we don't meet up any time soon given the state of mood I am in lately, I just ain't that magnanimous I used to be, neither do I wish to continue to be the poor soul seeking for company. I feel like a nobody, a poor soul that nobody pays attention to without shouting and screaming with great effort. I don't like this feeling at all. Nobody really pays attention to what I say or what I do. Yet, the irony is the fact that I am actually still gonna take time off to go down to BBSS to help out with the choir at the CCA showcase, with thoughts that I might actually be of any help, when I could very spend more time practicing my SYF choice piece with the Tenors of the AJChoir.

If I have to walk alone down this path, then I will; slowly but surely, I'll reach my destination.

and "the journey goes on..."

Who is Clarence Liu Huihong?!

So, before I begin, as you can see, this is a post about me - kinda like a biography - and this would probably be in a series of post provided that I feel like doing so after today. Perhaps through posting about this I'd know more about myself as I reflect myself, and at the same time allow the readers to know more about me...

Clarence Liu Huihong was born in 1993 on 19th January at 1134 hours, at East Shore Hospital. He weighed 2600gm at birth and was 47 cm at birth; so he was actually rather small. He was quite an interesting infant as he didn't cry like every other infants do, in fact the doctor had to spank him before he "wailed" for the first time. But otherwise, when he was put together with the other babies in the nursery (??), he never really did cry. He was born to the couple Liu Yew Fatt and Tan Siew Hong, who then lived at a recidence in the Bedok region.

Clarence also learnt how to speak and walk at a slightly later time as compared to normal infants of his age, but all in all he was average kid. When he was older, he didn't like to be carried in the arms of his parents nor relatives - he simply loves to walk on his two feet, after learning how to walk. He liked to be alone at times, and reflecting back, he liked hiding underneath the bed, because there was once that his parents couldn't find him anywhere in the house. Later, they finally found under the bed and he was stuck cause he didn't know how to come out. Hilarious. There were occasions that he would actually run to the kitchen to find his mother only to find out later that his mother is in the toilet in master bedroom or something along that line. There was once when he was young, he misplaced his fingers in between the door hinges and when his mother closed the door he cried aloud.

When he was older, he often accompanied his mother to the wet market in the vincinity and the aunties always laughs at his feet for being wide and huge. He extremely liked to watch cartoon and most of the time when he is at home, he would sit on the sofa and watch the TV by himself; one of his favourite TV shows was Power Rangers. Besides watch the TV, he also extremely liked to play with his Lego set, building things out of nothing; he found comfort in doing so as he was living in his own world and it was the time where he can be free to think and free to be as creative as he like. He build small tiny "figures" and tell stories to himself, and no one else really knows what he is doing. He could be enacting a scene where figures were martial arts experts or simply just power rangers. He loved living in his own world and playing Legos even when he was in primary school. By the age of about 5, already started to wear glasses as he was found to have astigmatism. Partly due to spending to much time infront of the TV, and also a genetic problem.

His first day at nusery was epic, simply hilarious and does reflect what kind of person he is or going to become. According to his mother, he was playing toys "with" an Indian girl, just then the girl perhaps took his toy and he decided to snatch it back. The "best part" was that he actually gave the Indian girl a slap and after that he cried. No, the Indian girl didn't even cry after receiving that slap, instead he cried. The Indian girl even went on to comfort him and both her and parents and his parents were called up by the nursery. It was lucky that the Indian girl's parents did not take any action and decided to let things pass, still it was comical.
TO BE CONTINUED.

Uhuh.. I realised I haven't update my blog for ages... And thus which is why I am here right now! Alright, so school have began like since yesterday.. and it's Open House tomorrow already! Things are going rather smoothly I guess? I like returning home early like today! And I'm probably gonna return quite early on Fridays too since my timetable ends quite early on Friday. I had height and weight yesterday afternoon during P.E. and I was found to weigh 64.3kg? I'm like O.M.G. Seriously, I need to exercise like soon and start eating lesser to control my weight and hopefully bring it down to 60kg at least. I'm in a state of panic over my weight. :(

Speaking of which, AJ Open House Esperanza is tomorrow~ I'm quite excited about it. At the same time, my efforts to "poach" my juniors have received a range of feedback. It's quite sickening, I'm once again reminded how bitchy Kellie can get. Argh. I'm kinda affected by the comments I guess, I suppose guitar-ing and having a good night sleep tonight would do me good. Also, I am deeply affected by Lucas's action of adding Clara on Facebook. I'm not too sure how to explain things to Clara, nor do I have a clear idea of what does Clara intend to do, I simply can't come up with enough and concrete reasons as to why Clara should remove Lucas from her Facebook friends. Argh, I feel kinda piss I guess. *scratches head*

Envy. Evny has indeed found its way to me... I feel kinda envious of Ren Jun when I head him talking about having to be excused for being late for choir from next monday onwards due to his H3 Chemistry lessons, and when I heard that Aixinn is in Alpha. I guess I still haven't got over the fact that I didn't do well enough to get H3 Physics like I aimed for long ago. It was like almost a year ago and I was talking to some of the choir seniors and I was telling them that I aim to take H3 Physics in J2 and stuff, and now? I'm no where near, and definitely not getting anywhere nearer, especially when my Physics concepts are a mess right now because I haven't even revised my J1 content.


Seriously, I feel quite screwed up right now for a lot of reasons, most definitely that conversation with Clara via sms affected me somehow that I don't even know why... Ahhhh~ I should just go and bathe and get some rest before dinner, maybe play the guitar after that and pack for tomorrow...

RESOLUTIONS!
So, before we start on Resolutions 2011, let's review Resolutions 2010~

1. TRIO FTW! Continue to keep in touch with Primary/Secondary buddies!
   
2. CLERISTO! Smiles ALWAYS!
   
3. Study hard and play hard even harder!
4. Get much MUCH more fitter both physically and mentally, especially in terms of basketball!
   
5. Be more decisive and more independent in thinking. Be Self-Deciplined and Persevere till the very end!
6. Be a better man!
7. Make more friends and less enemies!
8. Share my knowledge and wisdom, care and love to those around me!
9. Protect the people around me, especially those that are dear to me!
10. Become Stronger, Harder, Faster and Better!

There you have it, the New Year Resolutions of 2010.
Reviewing the resolutions... I guess I have met like 6-7 of the 10?! HOHOHO~ Quite a successful year. So although there were ups and downs, it has moulded me somewhat into someone I want to become. Great!

Now for New Year Resolutions 2011!!

1. To study hard and play hard and, more importantly, to score Distinction for all subjects!
2. To sing well and put in my best effort in SYF next year so as to not regret! Gambate!
3. To become physically and mentally fit by training frequently!
4. To be Mindful, Conscious and Self-Discplined at all times possible!
5. To be a better man!
6. To take part in AJ Idol again this year and hopefully win something!
7. To continue provide help to others in terms of studies and perhaps other areas too!
8. To be able to play the guitar a lot better in time to come!
9. To become Stronger, Harder, Faster and Better!
10. To unite the class, and to bond better in class and in choir!

Tata~ Ja-

IT'S NEW YEAR!

HOHOHO~ I'm here! Like finally huh. I have been occupied you see, I was at Jordan's house last night and stayed up all night at his place before returning home at around 7 a.m. There were loads of people! Like Junjia, Jinshun and Voon Hon, it was kinda fun I guess. There was a lot of food to eat too - Jordan's mother and maid prepared the dinner. I kept eating until I realised that I ate too much - I've just seriously grown fat and it's not like in the past that what I eat is somehow lost somewhere, they grow onto me now. Before going down to Jordan's place I was at East Coast Park with Derrick, Qinli, Aloi and Shaolun.

We cycled the longest distance we ever did - we went from ECP (Area B) all the way to Changi Beach Park. It was insane and absolutely tiring, I lagged behind on our way back and was like 5 minutes behind from when they reach the place. My thighs just couldn't go any further and in the end I gave in to the stress and lactic acid. I was like on gear 2 while I was cycling back to the kios and it was just darn slow - I was like at walking pace! But still, it was kind of fun I did enjoy the day. I can't believe that I managed to hold on for that long too, so proud of myself!

Anyway, it's prolly time to get down to business! REFLECTIONS TIME!

The Conventional Way (not the only, and not definitely the right/correct way) of Clarence in posting for the first time of a new year (2011) since his first blog...

is quite a blur upon reflecting now. Well, in fact everything that happened in the past year is a blur as I do have poor memory, with exceptions. January marked the start of new life in JC, the end of my working life (as a cleaner) and the times I spent with Sharon and Clara much more frequently. I had a lot more time to spare then than now you see - same for Sharon and Clara. I can barely recall our first Subway meal together (and my first subway meal of the year, 2010) at JP, nor the Delifrance meal I had with Sharon at JP somewhere in January. Not to mention that was when I got my first pay, and paid for something with my own hard earned money, which I used to buy my iPod Nano and headset - which I still regret buying. OG32, AJC orientation, becoming an AJChorister. Definitely not forgetting the day I received my O level's result - it was a bitter sweet experience.

was a struggle, I guess, for me while I manage my ability difference in AJChoir. I wanted to be someone indispensable to the AJChoir one day, and I guess the caroling sessions did turn out to be the manifestation of it huh - the irony of it all. Also, there was the excellent "trial" lectures, GP tutorials, getting to know my PDG class - they all bring back some memories. Like how I introduced myself to the choir, and to the class. It was also the first time I mentioned James on my blog, and who would have thought that he is now our Choir Pres. It gave me a good peek of what I'm in for in school and in choir, it gave me a good impression of GP and of my class. I believed that I would enjoy myself in class and definitely as a Class Leader of 12/10, turns out, although in some ways it have strayed from what I had originally believed it would be it is not too far from it either.

was about... preparing for BBSS Choir Concert as part of the Alumni Choir. I took to the liberty to make arrangements and managed the Alumni choir by acting as the "in-charge" personnel. I'm gradually recalling the practices at Roy's house, the extra practices at Suchi's house and the combine practices at Suchi's place too. Oh gosh, I can't believe it's all over already. Also, March was about preparing for VoyAJe 2010! The choreography and all was fun I guess. There was also the hiccup with Clara, which will reoccur on a few other occasions in later time in the year as well. And to think 12/10 was actually thinking of getting class tee and having a class chalet, but we have none of that even as of now.

was occupied greatly by preparations for both BBSS Choir's concert and AJChoir's concert. Not forgetting Anual Awards Ceremony! All of which were memorable experiences that I had in the last year. The struggle to bsing better and sound better, to prove to others to prove to myself. Those bitter experience made me who I am today - a better chorister, in my opinion. It was just hectic with all the practices going on almost everyday in preparation for the concert, not forgetting that at the same time it was preparation for the Vienna trip and there was simply no time to rest...

was once again populated with Choir. Seriously, I'm beginning to wonder since when did Choir become topic I commonly talk about on my blog. It was a tough period of time due to the nearing of the competition date, and the of course there was the excitement. The numerous times that I almost brokedown in tears - they all turned out to be worthwhile ultimately. The times at Vienna was an experience I would never forget, I really enjoyed myself. And thinking back how I pulled through the sufferings and struggle to be up to the mark, if not slightly below the mark, I'm proud of myself. The other highlight would be TRIO's day at Island Creamery I suppose. It was memorable, which was why I really wished we could return there last year (like before yesterday) as the building is going to be teared down. But it doesn't matter anymore now. "It's time that I face the truth. What's the use of comforting?"

ReverseO, Teh Tarik, Very Berry, Ping Pong Milo, Nutella, Cream and Cookies -- Loved them all. HAHAHA!

was... interesting! Not. It was mugging all over again in preparation for M.Y.C.T. The highlight would be the Vienna trip of course, the competition and the experience on the whole is just simply memorable. Then we have Toy Story at Plaza Sing with the TRIO which wasn't too bad. Apparently there was also a lot of random posting...

RUSHING TO COMPLETE THE POST...

Nothing exactly worth mentioning... =/ Except for the fact I didn't do well M.Y.C.T and I did a few recordings here and there...

was quite a painful period of time I guess. I had a lot of down periods during that month and there was a lot to handle. Disappointments from certain people and from myself - I was on the verge of breaking down. PW was up and running and I would have totally forgotten about PW if I hadn't seen the post about how my dear PW groupmate works. Oh, not to forget I finally got myself a decent guitar! I love my guitar! Simply said, August was the month of ElMO....

was a follow-up from August. The sorrowful atmostphere and feeling persisted and continued. And as usual, Clarence likes reminiscing and the frequency increased due to the sorrowful atmostphere and the continued disappointments and sad occurences...

October...
Nothing in particular, except for a lot more mugging and hardwork in preparation for End of Year...

was interesting somewhat I guess. THIMUN was excellent and not to forget about Clara's birthday outing in town!!

(Okay.... Have to continue another time... Darn! Have to wake up earlier tomorrow to continue with the post and resolutions... Eeeks. Its's time for homework!! RAWR!)

- Back! (10.05, 2/1/11)

I still remember the trouble I had to go through to pass the ukelele to her, and how I went to the shop with Joseph to get the uke (Special thanks to Jo for helping me with that! And for introducing me the Uke!) If not for Joseph and Jyh Harng I wouldn't have an idea of what present to get for Clara. Like that was prolly most appropriate; it is the 60 year old Uke. November also marked the end of Project Work and though there were ups and downs I really did kinda enjoy PW sessions with my groupmates. It's... AJ058!! WOHOOO~ We're gonna get our A's mann! Yea.. *a little bit less convinced* November came and left very soon with THIMUN following up towards the end of November, ending November with a BANG! after the Promos. And Promos was just simply one hell of an experience and I was glad to have made it through with much effort. I locked up my blog and did two poems during that period of time, so... it was quite a fufiling month.

was gone very swiftly. With THIMUN starting of the month and caroling sessions at Iluma and Four Seasons Hotel it was quite an interesting month. My greatest disappointment would be that none of my friends actually turned up for the caroling sessions. It was really something disappointing. I pretty much played the whole month in the midst of all the caroling sessions. I started playing CS: Source, playing StarCraft 2 and DotA too. Though currently, I am taking a break of from SC2 since I haven't bought a new prepaid card and I don't intend to do so yet. Guitar playing skills have never been better as I somehow miraculously improved by leaps and bounds. I guess the psycho-motor skill training and finger training kinda worked out right for me - but of course, it's because I have a natural talent to pick things up fast. Just Kiddin'! 2010 ended off nicely as I was having fun and unlike the usual, I was not at home gaming. It was a nice experience for me having to celebrate New Year at Jordan's house.

So yea... That ends of the reflection.

So in general my life in 2010 has changed drastically and I experienced a lot of ups and downs. It changed me drastically, as in how I view things and my attitude. I became kinda pessimistic I guess, I'm less egoistic and as Felicia described, I am "tired". 2010 have been a mentally strenous and exhausting year for me. I doubt 2011 would be any greater but I'd just have to pull through. I'm not gonna give up as easily as I did in the last year. I know I might experience even greater obstacles but as I've said before "Imbibe the worst of your trials and tribulations, for what does not kills only you makes you stronger." Or something along that line..

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