FED UP

I have sucha bitch for a sister living next room. Early in the morning, cannot wake up 'coz she doesn't know how to manage her time, got her friend to give her a wake up call, which she totally missed thrice, on the fourth I just couldn't stand it I got off the bed and went to pick up the phone missing by a split second. Then I brought it into to my room so that I can pick it up on time. Like it was freaking annoying listening to the phone ring but no one picking up. Like seriously, it's 7.00a.m. in the moring, I rarely get to sleep in so don't freaking piss me off.

Then my mother came home after going to the market, at about 8.00a.m. Oh boy did she flare up 'coz she realised that she was going to be late. So she blamed everyone -- blamed me for not passing her the phone call or waking her up when I seriously can't give a damn about her, she blamed my mother for losing her stuffs (some piece of clothing that was supposed to go with her dress or whatnot), when it turned out that the problem was that she wore it the wrong way, front-back problem y'know. Seriously, such a blardy bitch, here I am just trying to sleep and there she is barking away, freaking fed up. She's like the worst.


I find it exceptionally ironic when someone says that they feel neglected by the people around her when I'm giving her the attention she wants... Others are giving her their attention too. She simply doesn't know how fortunate she is, as compared to me. There are so many people, friends who cares about her, but who is there really, to care about me? I even have a freaking bitch for a "sister", who can top that off, seriously.

Who will comfort me when I rant? Who would bother to explain the misunderstandings to me when I get mad at someone? Who would be there to just send me a message asking for her understanding, to make amendments for whatever mistake I had possible made? Making sure that she feels less "disturbed" or what not. Who will ask me for the reason that I frown?  Give a sianz face, or why do I sigh?

I guess why I bother or care so much about her is that she has something I never had, yet, she has no idea how fortunate she is to have some many always there to comfort her. Like even if I bother to check up on her emotions every now and then, where do I stand on the waiting list? Do you even bother about what I say? Does what I say hold any value at all?

Instead, she sees me as an eyesore, at times, as someone who just wants to piss her off, regardless of my efforts to make her understand. It's like, so ironic, I see her and put her in my inner circle of friends, but where do I stand? I'm like stranded somewhere along the outer circle. She just doesn't see it, she doesn't get it...

How could you be so heartless...

SLEEP, EAT, RANDOM, SLEEP, EAT

That's what I did today thus far in a summary! Hurray! Feeling awesome! Belting out songs in my own room singing Come What May, and other Glee songs, and No Importa! Think I'll be recording some songs tomorrow before I organise my room further.

I managed to spend some time organising and discarding useless stuffs from my room today, which cleared up plenty of space; like old worksheets from secondary school which I have been reluctant to throw away all these while. So yea, if you take a look into my room, spend something looking at the things I have at every corner of the room, you would realise how I like to keep old stuffs. I guess I'm just the kind of person who is almost always leaving in the past. Or perhaps this is just some form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, though I'd like to leave the truth to be the earlier.

With no school, technically, I also found time to play the guitar, which is awesome! Will be guitar-ing more after I'm done with this while I wait for the rest Junyan and the rest for DotA. I'm pretty sure I'd be stopping DotA after this week -- I know I said I'd stop like a few weeks ago, but oh wells. For me, technically, this weekend is still holiday and not the "holidays" in which you mug like hell for the mid-years. So I'm trying to enjoy myself while preparing for the big "holidays" to come by organising my piles and piles of school work in the various subjects, will also be planning out a timetable for the "holidays".

The JC2s have offically stepped down from choir, i.e. meaning to say that we technically won't have to return to choir anymore. Which means freeing up a lot of time to study. It's a different feeling this time, stepping down without a worry and less nostalgia and less attached I guess. I don't dread going for choir, I just simply don't have that kind of strong attachment I guess, strong desire to go back and see the kids, not to mention I have no need back there anyway, the Tenors are more than fine without me.

However, I'm looking forward to the official Choir graduation party!! Hoping that the J1s this year would do a good job like us (batch of '10-'11) did for our seniors (J2s of '09-'10).

Also, since my last update, I have attended 2 concerts! Which made me feel darn broke. I attended Symphony of Voices 2011 by the Victoria Junior College Choir which was pretty awesome, and AJC's very own Guitar Ensemble which wasn't very good -- but well, it was to give support for a bro so it was worth it, and it wasn't very expensive anyway.

Spending so much these days made my savings almost nothing more than $100 which could prove to be quite a problem if I do wish to buy anything this Great Singapore Sale, not that I really want to get anything... I still remember the promise that was made to travel to Malaysia together to shop one day with a certain person, just hoping she would recall someday...though it is rather unlikely that she would even suddenly recall she has a friend called "Clarence". Feeling a little jealous and sour but long gotten over that stage of being an ass about it. So yea, that's about it, time to jam up and hit the guitar!!

Presenting to you the awesome recording in generations, the AJChoir anthem...
No Importa La Distancia! @ the Esplanade on 10th May 2011, by the AJChoir of 2011!!

No Importa La Distancia - Anderson Junior College Choir by nicjoellim

VEGETARIAN BUFFET!
It appears I have totally forgotten about last Saturday's Tenors outing! Hmmmm...

So in the morning, the quite a number of us Tenors, we, met up in school and played basketball together! It was pretty awesome I guess. It's the first time that we went back to school not for choir but to play basketball! To exercise! So we played till around 11.30 a.m. when we start to go wash up and bathe in the cubicles of the toilet in the P.E. dept.

And after bathing we headed down to Novena to meet up with Shaun (Lee) and some other Tenors for buffet lunch! We had some trouble finding our way to the restaurant but all the effort was worthwhile as we soon realised how marvelous the food was. It didn't felt like we were in a vegetarian restaurant, having a vegetarian buffet at all as the food all tasted delicious. The restaurant itself presented itself like any other chinese restaurant and the hotel that it was situated in was pretty grand too, although the outer shell of the hotel did look kinda old and ugly, but soon nothing else matter but the food. So if anyone's wondering where to find some awesome vegetarian buffet... it's at Lotus Vegetarian Restaurant, Quality Hotel. You may take bus 21 right outside Novena MRT Station and take a short walk to the hotel. So yea.

After buffet, we played LAN at Pomo, and then we went to Jonathan's house to play. Well, it certain seem as though Jon is half a tenor as he is always in the company of us Tenors. Hahas. Anyway, it summary, I had a ridiculously fun day with the Tenors last Saturday and had an awesome vegetarian buffet. And yeap, that's what I've been wanting to post about! Ja-

BUT THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE'S TO IT...

I can love, but without return...

Ahhh~ Feeling so emo-ish suddenly. Must be the music that's playing now. Shall just excape by watch How I Met Your Mother...

#Now Playing - Get It Right - Lea Michelle/Glee Cast

MY DREAMS...



I dreamt last night that I was picked out by Mr Kwei to join some choir of us infront of everyone, which was rather weird I guess. Well considering the fact that I was thinking and pondering about it last evening and before I slept, I guess it did appear in my dreams. I'm lost I guess, but perhaps the contradiction that I always thought was present between doing Physics and Vocals/Choral in future was just simply some bullshit that I came up with not knowing what to expect. I'm not sure if I'm suited for these big stuffs yet -- to do Physics and Choral Music can might as well be seen as my new dream for the future. I have plans though, I'm thinking of volunteering my experience to the BBSS Choir, which would probably act as a platform for me to see how well I am and if I have the potential. Secondly, I would possibly try to find a chance to ask Mr Kwei and find out more about my voice and potential.

That aside, I've been wondering, perhaps what I've been feeling on the issue between Mary (false name), Barry (another falsified name) and Kegan (yet, another falsified name) is simply a mixture of my insecurity and jealousy towards a friend who's got something I've never gotten, and not sure when will I achieve the same too. I mean, this love triangle thing and Barry losing Mary to Kegan just doesn't feel right. Once again, I've proven to be a petty person, and someone who get jealous easily. Yet, I guess I'm glad in some way that between me and that someone else, I might actuall still stand some chance as compared to Barry. I guess, the uncertainties is simply driving me nuts.

A: What is procrastination?
B: Erm... Let me get back to you in a moment...

C: What is coincidence?
D: Hey! I was just about to ask you that!

---- Jean Peng

The first is what I'd call the Coincidence-Fate paradox.

What is coincidence? It is when guy meets girl.
What is fate? It is when a guy and a girl falls in love with each other.

Notice that it is not fated for the guy to meet the girl, yet it is fated that they fall in love with each other...

What is coincidence? It is when guy meets girl.
What is fate? It is when guy meets girl and they fall in love with each other.

What is coincidence? It is when guy meets girl and they fall in love with each other.
What is fate? It is when guy meets girl and they fall in love with each other.

So... which one are you?

First choir of the day that managed to convince me that it was of gold with honours calibre the moment the four sections formed a chord. I think it was not long after they started singing. The sound was full, warm and robust. All four sections were equally competent, allowing them to achieve a perfectly balanced sound. Every chord formed was pure gold. There was virtually nothing much to pick on, apart from how their third piece being a little too controlled and subdued for my liking. Granted it was an extremely difficult piece (Qua Rico E Mambo) to pull off, I still feel that they could have pushed the dynamics a little more towards the end, and finish off more impressively. Nonetheless, they were clearly a notch above all the choirs that had performed, and were truly deserving of the Gold with Honours award they've managed to attain.

Prediction: Gold with Honours
Actual: Gold with Honours

LOVIN' THIS!! Especially the last line!

Nonetheless, they were clearly a notch above all the choirs that had performed, and were truly deserving of the Gold with Honours award they've managed to attain.

FIRST STEP INTO AJC...
or rather the AJChoir...

Let's go into the figurative use of "step" first. I recall that I first know of the college from the booklet showing the various Junior Colleges, Polytechnics, etc (Tetiary/Pre-Universirty Institutes) and their various achievements. So I spotted Saint Andrew's Junior College initially having heard of it from a senior before, and then Anderson Junior College. I had wanted to go Saint Andrew's Junior College, not sure of the reason why then. Mind you, I was Sec 3 then. Then I made up my mind with Anderson Junior College. And what convinced me to go to Anderson Junior College was simply it's O level entry points or the T-score -- then showing 9, which I believed was within my abilities and a good choice so as to furthere stretch myself adequately (which I did eventually meet).

So I was determined to finish my Tetiary education here at Anderson Junior College, and I didn't really care how I should get in, be it getting a raw score of 9 or DSA via Choir. And so, in Sec 4 after stepping down from BBSS Choir I began to make arrangements to DSA to AJChoir. I asked seniors who were studying or studied at AJC and those who were in the Choir about the environment and results. That was when I first found out that in AJC's Promo '09 the average Math grade was a U. Not long after I was already on my way to AJC for the DSA Audition. I was rather lost in the college, it just seemed so weird and oddly constructed, and I actually almost got lost on my way to the college having went out of Yio Chu Kang MRT via the wrong exit (the other exit), and after which I actually took the bus to get to the college...

So I was greeted by a friendly senior from the Choir whom asked me my name and school, whom also guided/brought me up to the Choir room. So I can actually still recall that I actually went up to the Choir room via the spiral staircase closes to the library and passed the CO room. So I filled in my details and went on to do warm ups by myself. I walked all the way to block 11 (not knowing that was block 11) and walked past the group of (whom I later realised were tenors) choir members practicing. I headed to the toilet and on the 2nd floor I believe and did my own warm ups there.

The next time similar scenes happened would be after I received my O level results, where I actually went for the appeal auditions. Many of the seniors remarked that it was unnecessary that I come for the appeal auditions seeing that I'm a 9 pointer. While, I guess I was pretty desperate and stuffs like that. So inside the Choir room, I was auditioned by Mr Kwei himself for the 2nd time.

And true enough, I got to AJC by merit of my O level results and there was no need for appeal. That afternoon I got my results, I went to the Choir room to be auditioned by Mr Kwei for the 3rd time. And this time, I got into the Choir. Mr Kwei had initially ask Cindy what were the results of my previous audition (i.e. the appeal auditions), Mr Kwei said that he vaguely remembered it to be B1...

So yea! Stopping here, I actually might have been a B1. But it didn't stop here.

Still, Mr Kwei auditioned me and asked me, this time, what was my section back in BBSS and I replied Tenor. When he asked further if I was T1 or T2, I couldn't gave him a reply since I wasn't sure. Not because I lied that I was a "Tenor" but we never had a further split. And perhaps of my reply, Mr Kwei sent me to the T2. And that afternoon I joined the Choir for the first practice. So I met Kuek and Pangyi on the first day of the choir practice. What I didn't realise was the huge impact it will have on my life soon and the crazy schedule and the extra effort needed to juggle studies and choir in the next a year and a half or so. A the next practice, I met the first J1 Tenor (then) I know - Chin Siang (who have sadly left us... no, he didn't die.)

I still recall the next day I met and got to know Kheng Hian and Chin Ho; I also recall how difficult I found it to remember their names.

I still recall that day at the CCA Showcase which I walked around in the hall with the "Press Me" board infront of me, going around trying to attract attention to join choir and go to the booth. Not forgetting that some J2s (girls) commented that I can sing and stuffs like that (which inspired me to join AJ Idol later that year and to fail in the prelimary auditions).

I recall that afternoon practice when more and more J1s joined me and the J2s for choir practice, like Mark who made a grand entrance arriving in home clothes (later when asked he said that he only got the news that had successfully appealed to the Choir shortly before that), how we started to introduce ourselves one after another -- our name and our secondary school, and then I never knew that there was a school called Xinmin Secondary School or Riverside Secondary School... Then there was Shaun who requested to be transferred to Bass... So yeah, we actually started off with 7 J1 Tenors, minusing Shaun whom really did join the Basses after that; there was Teck Chuan, Bryson, Teng Yong, Chin Siang, Keith, Mark and myself. 4 of which I later found out to have appealed. Bryson and Mark whom appealed to AJ from some other colleges, Teng Yong and Teck Chuan to have appealed from Arts Stream to Science Stream.

So yea... That was pretty much a brief of the beginnings of then I first joined the AJChoir and before I joined AJChoir...

OH OH OH! AND THE CONCERT WAS A BLAST! I REALLY LOVED IT A LOT! ENJOYED IT A LOT!

SO WARM!!

Preparations for the concert are on the way, but I'm not going to talk about it here today! This is gonna be a short post... So what happened was this...

Today after choir, at around 6pm, Yio Chu Kang MRT Station....


*Clarence standing infront of the top-up machine, inserting the S$10 note*

A lady from behind: So hot, I'm burning... So hot, I'm burning... fans herself with her hand

*Clarence turns around as he removes his card*

A lady from behind: So cute. Photo look nicer than the person (or something along this line)

*Clarence walks off, can't be bothered*

If you don't get the above, you are slowww... So apparently the malay girl behind me (probably from NYP) was trying to get me to turn my face to see how I look like. I suppose she saw the photo of my EZ-link card, and thought I was some hot dude. So when I turned my face, she caught an eye and realised that she was "terribly wrong". I took me a second to understand what was going on, and when I did I wanted to turn around and criticize her, but I held back. Like seriously? I think her friends needs to buy her a mirror, a full-length mirror so that she can see herself in a mirror.

I suppose this is what they call 搭讪, but just that she found the wrong target. Certainly, I feel angry for her comment and secondly, I feel sad that I guess I'm simply not good looking or decent looking at all I guess... So sad...

IT DOESN'T MATTER...

It doesn't seem  to bother anyone, they don't feel my pain, they don't see my point. Have I moved on?  I feel so ridiculous in any case. I feel so lousy; I feel obliged. I guess I simply won't rest till the day BBSS Choir become a much much better choir in future. Not until it eventually, at the least achieves a Gold...

THE END... OR NOT...

Gold with Honours!! The feeling was just so awesome! But I cried buckets while singing No Importa... Ahhh~ And I sounded darn awful when singing No Importa coz I screamed and shouted too much after hearing the good news. Okay, technically, we didn't hear Junwei who was on the line saying that we got Gold with Honours. What happened was....

*Junwei on the line listening to the results through the teacher's handphone*

moments later...

*Junwei screams in a very unpoised and girly manner*

Yeap! And after that everyone went crazy including myself. It was just awesome... Like, personally, I have never gotten Gold or anything better than that in my last 2 SYF with BBSS, this is just BOOMZ~ It felt a lot like Slovakia, but a lot more tears and emotions this time round. And perhaps with a tinge of disappointment about the performance that was not present back then in Slovakia. Today's performance wasn't as awesome as it should had been, there were much more magical moments back in the Choir room which we were actually unable to bring it up on stage today, but still it was pretty good I guess. I personally enjoyed the performance, the experience. I think I did reasonably fine, I did my best, I did my part, my work is done. So yea, I'm pretty satisfied with myself.

The thought of joining the choir at Venice next year is pretty awesome! Would love to join them, given that I feel good after A levels, I am not in army then, and I have the cash for the trip. Anyway, there's still a concert to go and College Day performance... And I'm actually considering going for VJ's concert... Maybe AC too. According to Bryson, NJ and MJ are having a concert soon too.. But that would probably be too much for my wallet to handle, unless I somehow strike lottery (which is not possible since I don't buy lottery or anything like that).

Let's see, so VJ, RI, ACJ, AJ, HCI, CJ got GwH, a number of Gold and yea. NJ and MJ didn't get their GwH this year sadly... Oh and the best part was this: we were the fifth choir from the back and the choirs after us only one got Bronze, the rest got GwH, like CJ, ACJ and VJ. Surprisingly.

Alright, what's next... Hmmm, I'm kinda lost right now cause I realised that I have indeed grown to love choral music. I guess I simply love abstract stuffs like Physics. I'm actually thinking of doing something big in choral music, like maybe do conducting? Conduct a choir? Maybe I'd join some big choir? Like Singapore Symphony Chorus? Or... Singapore Youth Choir Ensemble? Okay.. I'm not sure if I like them.. =X  Victoria Chorale is impossible.. Vocal Consort seems unlikely too... AJ Alumni would probably be most likely... NUS Choir? That is if I go to NUS after A levels. What I can say now is that I realised that I haven't had enough of Choral music... Perhaps... I'll speak to Shaun (the Tenor) about how he is managing taking Law and still doing music... Maybe I'll talk to Mr Kwei himself on my prospects and if I am even capable of doing something bigger in choral music...

Truthfully, I have discovered that I have three main, major interests: Choral Music, Physics and Basketball. Let's see... I have some thoughts of going further with Choral Music, I dreamt of becoming a professor and doing big stuffs in the field of Physics... But I have never really thought of joining the national team or anything like that for Basketball. My talent for basketball is quite limited you see. I'm not sure of where my talent stops in Choral Music and Physics but I do feel a strong passion as of today, as of now.

So yea, in short -- I'm quite lost.

I can't believe that I've actually typed such a long post... haven't done so in such a long time... Wondering when was the last time I actually spent an hour or so typing out a post with such much effort.. But I'm tired and it's really late now... So I've gotta go~ Shall pack my bag before I sleep... Luckily, there is just mainly 2 subjects tomorrow so it should be quite a breeze... And yea, there's choir tomorrow! SYF down! It's time to work for the concert -- how great is that...

3 DAYS...

How do you love someone when you don't even know how to love yourself...

It's 3 Days to SYF! ZOMFG! ZOMFG! Aaahhhh~

I was very lost for quite a period of time, then I realised that actually what I needed to do is to love my own voice... And as such, the 2nd Vocal Revolution of Clarence Liu has officially ended. Although I might have pursued it the wrong way, might have lost myself in search of a "good" voice, I have also benefitted and learnt to bow down to insults better and what makes a good sound. I have learnt a lot from the quest as I go up to different people asking them how to sing better and how they sing. Because of that, I have attain much more knowledge on the various techniques, check points on how to decide whether a sound is good or not. This will most definitely benefit me in the future...

In the near future, I'll most probably return to BBSS to help the choir for perhaps a month. While doing something I like once a week, I'll also be getting CIP hours, ain't that simply awesome! Besides that, the quest had also led me to desire more knowledge on choral singing. The profound and abstract nature of choral music has hooked onto me, I suppose I might actually find myself becoming increasingly involve in choral music in the future.

With SYF only 3 Days away, I can only hope and give it my all on stage and every practice, so that we will all succeed and no regret and disappoint anyone out there who will be supporting us. I wanna sing No Importa in pride after SYF and after the concert, I want to be part of the history making moment in AJChoir history! AJChoir will get Gold with Honours! I'm sure of it!!

OH LASTLY! AJCHOIR ROCKS!
HIMYM ROCKS TOO!

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