EMO mode
Argh. Can't focus with all those thoughts running through my brain. Seriously, maybe I really do deserve this shit. Fucked up mouth. Argh. Disgusting. Disgusted. ARGH! Fed up. Wanna fight back also think it's a waste of time, like seriously. When will I grow out of this shit.
SECRET (not anymore...)
I use to think how would my life be if I ain't me. Like physically base on appearance. If I had eyes that could zap the souls out of girls, then maybe my life would have been better. I would have gotten my way around anything and everything. Then girls wouldn't feel so turned off and disturbed. I use to wish for a charming voice (which in some way I do have :/) that could mesmerize girls too. All these does seems to make me look desperate doesn't it.
*period*
and then I realise... how much people actually care how I think and feel. How worthless my thoughts and feelings can get. Not even a penny perhaps. I'm always looking for attention, always trying to prove something. I'm always trying to prove that I'm good, always telling, bragging to people how multi-talented I am, being able to play basketball, badminton, tennis, squash, how I can sing. And lately, my latest hobby is to show off how I well I can play the guitar. I hate being myself. Why do I have to end up hating myself for who I am.
DOES ANYONE EVEN CARE?
I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.
I'll probably wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed again, and when I see this post again I'll think that I overreacted last night. But the truth is, this very moment I'm posting this I feel sour. I feel disgusted at myself. I feel very sour. I wanna breakdown and cry right now, but I can't because I don't wanna be heard.
I'm a down right jerk who is egoistic, arrogant, and fucked up. I probably deserve all insults that might be hurled at me. Only great thing I ever did today was to realise how much of an ass/jerk I would be to bring the guitar to school, to BBSS and to SVPS tomorrow, trying to show off.
Y'know, I hate the fact that no one hears me. No one bothers with what I rant and what I say here, not even my BESTFRIEND. I truly deserve it. I don't even get any respect from my sister, not from my juniors, and perhaps not even from my peers. I try so hard to be someone, to be respected, but I realised that I don't get what I want because this is life - life is unfair, and even worse if you're me.
And soon I'll sink further into hating life, hating myself, and hating the people around me...
What an attention seeker I am.
No one takes me seriously. They just laugh at me; they simply laugh at the joke - me.
5 Likes, you're awesome Clarence. Awesome at making a joke out of yourself. Way to go.
